GUIDE
Cry it out (full extinction) means no check-ins after putting baby down. Ferber (graduated extinction) includes timed check-ins at increasing intervals. Both are effective, but Ferber involves less total distress for most parents. Neither has been shown to cause harm.
These two methods get conflated constantly. They're actually quite different in practice.
Log nightly progress
“The Ferber method may feel like a 'tough love' approach, but it empowers your child to develop the essential skills of self-soothing and self-regulation.”
Dr. Pranshu Adavadkar, MD, Sleep Medicine Physician, Sleep Foundation Medical Advisory Board"Cry it out" has become a catch-all term for any sleep training that involves crying, but technically, it refers to a specific method: unmodified extinction. You put baby down awake, you leave, and you don't go back in until morning (or a pre-planned night feed). That's it. No check-ins, no pats, no shushing from the doorway.
The Ferber method — formally called graduated extinction — is different. Developed by Dr. Richard Ferber at Boston Children's Hospital, it involves putting baby down awake and then checking in at progressively longer intervals (typically 3 minutes, then 5, then 10, capping at 10-15 minutes). Check-ins are brief (1-2 minutes), involve verbal reassurance and possibly a gentle pat, but no picking up. The intervals increase each subsequent night.
Both methods work. A 2016 randomized controlled trial by Gradisar et al. compared graduated extinction (Ferber), bedtime fading, and a control group over three months. Both intervention groups showed faster sleep onset, fewer night wakings, and no differences in cortisol levels or attachment security compared to controls. For a broader look at whether formal training is right for your family, see our sleep training vs. no sleep training guide. The methods are both safe and effective — the question is which one your family can actually execute.
| Aspect | Cry It Out (Full Extinction) | Ferber (Graduated Extinction) |
|---|---|---|
| How it works | Put baby down drowsy but awake. Leave the room. Don't return until the next scheduled feed or morning. | Put baby down drowsy but awake. Check in at increasing intervals (3 min, 5 min, 10 min, etc.). Brief reassurance only — no picking up. |
| Typical timeline | Most babies show significant improvement in 3-5 nights. | Most babies show significant improvement in 5-7 nights. |
| Initial crying intensity | Higher. First night often involves 30-60+ minutes of crying. Drops dramatically by night 3. | Moderate. Check-ins reduce peak intensity for most babies. First night crying is often 20-45 minutes. |
| Total crying across training | Paradoxically, may involve less total crying because it resolves faster. | More total nights of crying but less intense per night. Check-ins can extend crying for some babies. |
| Parent experience | Extremely difficult emotionally. Most parents find the first 1-2 nights very hard. | Still difficult but check-ins provide some emotional relief for parents. |
| Best suited for | Parents who can commit fully, babies who are re-stimulated by check-ins, older babies (8+ months). | Parents who need the reassurance of checking in, younger sleep-training-age babies (4-6 months), first-time sleep trainers. |
Faster resolution means fewer total difficult nights for the whole family.
The emotional difficulty is the main barrier. The method itself is straightforward.
For most first-time sleep trainers, Ferber feels more manageable.
Watch whether check-ins are helping or re-stimulating your specific baby.
Tinylog lets you track crying duration, number of wake-ups, and time to sleep onset each night. When you're in the middle of sleep training and it feels like it's not working, your data shows the real trend.
Consider your own temperament first. If hearing your baby cry without responding would be genuinely unbearable — not just hard, but something you truly can't sustain — Ferber's check-ins will be easier to maintain. Consistency matters more than method choice. A Ferber approach you stick with will outperform a CIO attempt you abandon at 11 PM on night one.
Consider your baby's temperament too. Some babies escalate when they see a parent during a check-in — the brief appearance and disappearance is more upsetting than being left alone. If your baby gets more agitated after check-ins rather than less, full extinction may actually be kinder. Other babies are soothed by hearing your voice during check-ins, and for them, Ferber works well. If neither out-of-room approach feels right, the chair method lets you stay in the room while baby learns to self-settle.
Consider your living situation. If you share a wall with neighbors or have older children sleeping nearby, a slightly longer but potentially less intense approach (Ferber) might be more practical. If you can isolate the noise and commit to a few intense nights, CIO resolves faster.
Both methods typically follow a predictable pattern, so understanding your baby's sleep schedule by age can help set realistic expectations. Night 1 is the hardest — the most crying, the longest duration. Night 2 is often worse than night 1 (the "extinction burst") as baby tests the new boundaries. Night 3 usually shows significant improvement. By nights 4-7, most babies are falling asleep with minimal or no crying.
This pattern is remarkably consistent across the research literature. The key is knowing about the extinction burst in advance so you don't interpret the worsening on night 2 as evidence that the method isn't working. It is working — your baby is learning. The burst is part of the process.
The biggest predictor of failure isn't the method — it's inconsistency. Starting and stopping, switching methods mid-night, or giving in after 40 minutes teaches your baby that prolonged crying eventually works. Pick a method, commit for at least 5 nights, and stay consistent.
Sleep training progress isn't linear. Night 2 is often worse than night 1 (the 'extinction burst'). Without data, you'll feel like it's not working. Logging crying duration each night shows you the trend line — which is almost always downward, even when individual nights are hard.
At 2 AM with a screaming baby, you need a pre-made plan. Discuss the method, agree on the rules, and decide who does check-ins and who waits outside (or in another room). Having this conversation when you're calm prevents 2 AM arguments about whether to abort.
This guide is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Consult your pediatrician for guidance specific to your baby.
